Monthly Archive

He brought me out of Egypt to the promised land.

And it really is the promised land.

No, I don’t know how things will really turn out. But I have more faith, more hope, more trust and joy than I could have thought possible.

And I am discovering that even the things I love, the passions I have, they are expanding too, along with the faith and trust and hope.

There’s more to me, too. I don’t JUST want to write (I will write, I must write, but I want to do more too).

I want to see people reach their true potential. I want to see people rise from the dust of their lives and face the sun, face the truth of who they are, the best of themselves. I want to see the world changed by people waking up and being emboldened to live gloriously, unselfishly, not settling for ordinary but fighting for extraordinary and positive change.

Maybe I’m just a dreamer.

But it’s a lovely dream. Don’t you think?

I officially got prayed in to the YWAM Edinburgh team today during our base meeting. Feels good. It was a great meeting, and I somehow managed to sum up my time in DTS in an apparently mostly coherent manner. Not quite sure what all I said, but people seemed to be pleased with it. So that’s good

Did some praying re: finances and projects today (and also just more settling into Edinburgh stuff) and am getting really excited about a couple of projects in particular. Won’t go into details yet, but you’ll hear more eventually.

In general I have to say that I am totally happy and excited about this life I get to live!

And I am gonna keep fighting the fight and writing the write and working hard to do all of that to the best of my ability and beyond. Thank God for adventure and wonders and change and all that good stuff. I am so ridiculously hopeful, it’s nuts!

Still wondering about finances and where I should live (whose flat/where, etc…) and seeking wisdom and direction on that. So please keep praying.

I really believe all shall be well somehow.

I woke up today feeling both tired and motivated at the same time, still plagued by the annoying, persistency of a headache, but in general feeling positive.

I have been working on the newest re-write of my newest short film set in Edinburgh (making it an actual narrative instead of just an emotional roller-coaster of crazy imagery). It’s getting better, which is good.

I’ve also been sipping on hot chocolate ALL day and feel like if I drink anymore chocolate I may start seeping it from my pores (eeeeeew).

I spent some time this morning just praying and talking to God about friends and new ideas/projects (though plan to do more of that tonight) and I am trying to suss out what exactly to tell the team about my time in Paisley and Egypt and what all has happened. How does one go about summing up 5 months in 5-10 minutes??

All shall be well.

I am really excited about the big list of projects we are working on. Some abstract and uber creative, others…. well I’d like to start a writer’s group, and am working to develop a ministry for young women questioning their sexuality who otherwise would feel (and in many places be) rejected by the church, who just really need a place to talk and pray/be prayed for. I talked briefly to the pastor of my new church here and it seems like there is really a need for it and people are excited. It scares me a bit, but also excites me.

In the mean-time: YWAM Edinburgh really needs to raise funds for all these ministries and things. We’re putting on a music show 7 March and we’re going to be selling some things (more details soon).

We have also created this ‘Tenner Campaign,’ which asks for contributions of £10 or $10 per month for those who are able. It’s easy to participate, and we gratefully appreciate your prayer and consideration about giving to YWAM Edinburgh. Read about the Tenner campaign here!

I personally, am still praying and in need of on-going monthly support. If you or someone you know of can help, please let me know!

Okay… enough about money.

God is good and provides! Wheee faith! What an adventure!

I am tired of lies.

I’m tired of the ‘great mocker’ putting thoughts in my head or my friends’ heads, or into the minds and hearts of people around me. I’m tired of injustice and oppression. I’m so sick of the devil. I am so sick of the dark. I hate it.

I am tired of seeing my friends beat down by shadows and sadness that plagues them. I am tired of people being bound by things that are untrue, trapped by falsity.

Enough. Enough. You’ve had your turn. The darkness has had rule of this land, of our hearts for long enough. It’s time for the light.

Awake o sleepers, rise up from the dead and Christ will shine on you.

You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy!

It’s time for justice. Do not whimper, child. Whimper no more.

It’s time to stand and roar.

The devil tried to bend me over. He literally got my shoulders and bent me down in pain. I couldn’t stand properly. I was hunched. We prayed and it shifted so I could stand tall again. You know what that does to me? That doesn’t make me afraid. It makes me angry!

Roar. Roar, oh Lion of Judah. Roar with all your might. Bring on your justice!

Yes, the Lord is good.

I realized from the fact that I have spent the day stuffing myself with sugary things again (oy). That I have been filling myself up with things that aren’t satisfying, and that it has been a little bit since I really sat with God and heard from Him on my own. I miss Him when I don’t do that. I need my time to sit alone with God.

So I shut the door, turned off the TV and the computer, and praised Him trustfully. Trust is a big theme. I declared my trust and felt it. I believed it. I believe He is trustworthy and a loving provider.

I saw myself walking through the woods again… but He didn’t just take my hand. He scooped me up like a husband and bride. And I noticed I was wearing a dress, with bare feet. So relaxed.

He carried me to a hammock in the middle of a warm, lush green wood and gently placed me in the hammock. He stroked my cheek and stepped back ever so slightly.

Then a man stepped forward, reaching out to me. And God smiled. And the man smiled down at me and I lifted my hand to him. Our arms caught and held on. Both men smiled down at me and I started to cry. I felt so loved, peaceful, provided for, cherished.

Rest. Rest in me. In my love, my provisions and plans.

And Psalm 23 came to mind again:

“He restores my soul… He makes me lie down in green pastures… my cup overflows… goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life”

I’ve got so many projects… and settling in to do. And still praying for provision, a flat, stepping into my own here as staff and as a creative force instead of a creative pot-hole (haha).

I have to remind myself that it doesn’t ALL have to be done tomorrow. Don’t freak out, Kim. Work, be dedicated, persistent. But don’t panic (42)!

It’s really interesting to be me right now… in this place of dreams and hopes and unknown. I’m laughing constantly while tying myself into knots of thoughts and then unravelling again. Am I a slinky?

Life is good and I am happy.

But my brain continues to be a playground… sometimes at night (dark and somewhat disturbing) and other times on a sunshiney summer day with lollipops.

Hmmm…

Last night we prayed. For hours.

Didn’t go to bed till after 2 a.m.

It was so good and this is just the beginning!

I’m beginning to process more. Feeling more able to understand why things have happened and what’s on my heart and why.

But also feeling a greater appreciation for the history of my life. For what has come before and the things that compel me.

The types of stories.

I will be writing more. And with more clarity.

It’s exciting!

And whispers of promise flitting about like fireflies, giddy and eager to unveil a long hidden secret.

My brain is so full. I am full of ideas and wonders and thoughts. But it isn’t bad. There isn’t negativity there, for once there is just fullness and this revelation that life really is on the edge for me, and that the pathway, though seeming to be hidden, falls right under my feet on the open sky. I am so free and trusted and hoped for and my hopes can be laid out as my feet… into the wide open without fear of falling.

Cos it is true, you know? I’ve been out here on this sky-way for months, maybe years… and I am still walking. My foundation is not on the earth, or under the earth, or in a rope or a plane or something man-made but in Christ who is a light and whose words spoke the earth into being.

He who makes wonder from dust is a true artist indeed.

I choose to trust and believe and continue to walk on the open sky without fear of failure or deferral or falling. Because He has promised me desire fulfilled if I but walk and push forward with my dreams. He has promised to sustain my life.

And I trust Him.

I’m feeling a bit small and wide-eyed right now.

It is so cool to be back here in Edinburgh, to be entering into this new thing, life, journey, destiny, etc. But right now I feel a bit… overwhelmed… or perhaps the better word is baffled by the scope of my dreams, and what I’ve been lead into.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s too good to be true. There just seems to be such blessing and promise of more!

It’s not that I can’t handle it. Rather, it’s that there is so much and I am SO excited about it all. But it’s a lot of work, and time, and dedication. And if the time is now. If this is a time of birth, and yes, and coming to fruition, of hope fulfilled instead of deferred, then that is glorious and hopeful and exciting… and busy!

I cannot let go of God’s hand. And I cannot dare to forget His promises and the things that have been spoken over me.

So, I will allow myself to blink a bit and settle and find my bearings again here, but I also must plunge in feet first and dream and write and plan and hope and pray and trust with all my might. Cos isn’t that it?

Isn’t that the true thing? To know that it isn’t just acceptance or belief…

Believing is one thing, accepting is one thing, but the true, real crazy part of the journey is when you take His hand and listen when He says those fateful words…

“Run”

And you do. And you never stop.

Hand in hand, you keep running and you keep growing until you are more yourself and then more and then more… until one day He doesn’t have to grab your hand. You are grabbing His. You are whole and together.

It’s about trust. And it’s ruthless.

Brilliant.

I made it safely back to Edinburgh thanks to Molly and Hannah who escorted me and helped with my heavy luggage (THANK YOU!). We had chocolate soup, wandered the Mile, and played at the Museum of Childhood (paper fortunes: “I see a man in a blue box”). Heehee!

Twas a good, if wet, day. I am really happy to be back in Edinburgh, though my spirit is kinda butterfly-fluttery and definitely feeling strange about the fact that DTS is really over and I don’t know when I will see those girls, who became like sisters to me, again. Doesn’t feel real yet. Feels like I’m just having a long weekend or something. I am so thankful for everything that has happened and how I have grown and my perspective has  changed, etc etc. Life is good.

Praying and writing and working is starting already. It’s good. And I’m excited to see what comes next. Good things. Good, good things from a good God. Yep.

Today when I awoke I had to fight again to keep the hopeful feelings going. Sometimes facing the unknown is really hard. Especially when you know the journey is not likely to be predictable.

It will take dedication, perseverance… trust.

I’ve begun to re-write my most recent short film in the hopes of telling it better. I want to ensure that the artsiness of it does not take away from telling a good & moving story. I have a talent for imagery, and am determined to combine this with good narrative. I really want this film to be one that will move people, and that is also doable, shootable with a low budget.

It’s an interesting process. All of this. Daily I feel simultaneously equipped, ready, full of purpose, and useless, unprepared.

But I can’t seem to help it. Where I am on this journey? It’s crazy. I am birthing so much. I can feel it all kicking and urgent in my belly and soul. The need to write better than I have ever written. To be a leader. To communicate truth. To pray and fight. And hope.

To step into full capacity in all things.

It is overwhelming at times. But with God’s help, I will succeed. I have to.

This time is what I was created for, what I have longed for.

I am flying. And I pray I have what it takes, with His help, to step into destiny properly, knowing that even if I fail I will still have my identity, but also that in some sense failure is not an option…

Once the birthing process begins, it cannot be stopped. It is inevitable.

It’s official. DTS is over. We’ve graduated. Tonight we head to the pub to celebrate.
It’s weird cos I have been waiting for this for months. I couldn’t wait to get back to Edinburgh. I was hesitant to begin this journey, and had a rough start. Then God used it. Used me. Changed me. Taught me.

And I am not the same, which is wonderful, beyond words even.

We had a great ceremony this morning, a fun slideshow, lots and lots of really awesome prayer and words spoken, (some which surprised me! There’s this theme of me with flowers…) and a speech and toast to each of us from Gabe. He even got choked up! Wasn’t expecting that. It was quite moving and encouraging.

I’ve started cleaning and packing up my stuff. It feels good, but strange.

I’m feeling really hopeful. God will not abandon me. And this next phase I feel is going to be about more releasing and more transforming and stepping into destiny and boy am I excited! I’m also really just hopeful and giddy about how God is going to provide… and is already!!

There’s so much. I feel, right now, that I may burst from hope and just this feeling of baffled happiness…. SO much going on! Stepping into a new ministry, leadership, pondering a school of intercession (in September?!!), learning to hear God’s voice more, learning more and more what it means to be a “woman of words” and a follower of Christ. SO MUCH STUFF! It’s gonna be a good year, a blessed year, a birthing year. Hope restored, and come to fruition, and new things and…

Whoo!

I prayed for adventure and it has been and now it will be even more and I am SO blessed by this DTS, by YWAM, by the people I have met and all I have learned and experienced, even dare I say it… my time in Egypt.

All is well. All shall be well.

I just have to say, that I love the people in my life. Pretty much all of them. I love how random people are. I love how they bless me or surprise me or challenge me… even how sometimes they annoy and humble me. I love the hope. The potential. I love hoping for people. Praying and hoping.

I love that people aren’t predictable (not really).

And I love that I can love people so much and have such hope for them that it makes me laugh, cry, scream, ache, and rejoice (sometimes all at once!)

So I want to say thank you. Thank you for being you. For being in my life in whatever capacity that you are in it, and for being brilliant. No, not smart, though some of you are very smart. I mean brilliant as in FANTASTIC. Cos you are. You really are.

[And my husband, whoever you are, wherever you are. Hurry up and cross my path already, I've got so much to tell you about the last 27 years! Heehee.]

Okay, I’m done. No more posts for today. G’night!

Writing. It is a plague. Sometimes. Haha.

Sometimes it is a wonder.

We just watched Shakespeare in Love, some of the girls and I. Aside from being sappy and over-sexed at times, the writer stuff made me smile. I love Shakespeare because he’s so dramatic and brilliant and silly. So it inspired me.

Not that I think I will ever be a Shakespeare (and I am okay with that), but with the idea that writers must write. Because words are powerful and important.

I have this script, it’s been bugging me so much because there’s so much good possibility, good characters, etc… but it’s not quite working. And I’ve been going mad. But today I realized it doesn’t matter. If this script never works (I’m sure it will, but that’s besides the point), I’ll be okay. I’ll still be a writer and my words will still matter because God has told me to write. And therefore there is power, and purpose.

So I will keep writing and keep working with God to tell the kinds of stories and words that matter and communicate and change lives.

This is really living, isn’t it? Faith. Perseverance. Striving for good even when it seems difficult or impossible. Sometimes I hate being human.

Right now I love it!

This is my new blog. Thanks for following me over here from blogger. It had let me down one time to many and I am hoping this new home for my ramblings, prayers, and thoughts will be sufficient for quite some time.

I discovered this quote the other day and I really enjoy it:

“each one of us bears an unwritten biography whose chapters contain unheard of turns of fortune and unheralded feats of heroism.” - Tad Dunnel