play

They always said the truth will set you free, but I didn’t feel free. I was caught, trapped, surrounded by guilt and shame…

But for the last few weeks I’ve been feeling a growing strange sort of lightness. The kind that comes only when your heart is free. For weeks I felt caught in a crux, pressured down to make a decision and totally strangled by fear. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t dream. I wasn’t me.

Then God began to change things. He started to show me what freedom really is. He told me in a way at long last my heart could understand.

I AM LOVED.

I think the most powerful thing about that statement is the release that comes with it. I wander around trying to decide what is right or wrong, what I should or shouldn’t do and meanwhile the Creator of the Universe is standing there just saying repeatedly ‘Hey, I love you. Stay still a moment and hear me tell you. I love you.’

My heart is good.

I have not believed this. I have always, due to lack of affirmations and lack of confidence believed there was something wrong with me that I needed to make up for. I thought I knew grace but I only knew one side of it. I thought my heart was bad but He said my heart is good. In fact, he treasures it. How crazy is that?

I have begun to play. In a way that is both child-like and spontaneous and releasing. I’ve begun to discover the power of love, of being present, of being open and giving to those around me and the result is freedom.

I am definitely a late bloomer but I am glad at last to throw back the fence and the walls and the broken record player telling me I am wrong and unlovable and begin to believe that I am loved no matter what.

I feel free because of love. I feel awake. I feel alive.

There’s so much to do. So many prayers not yet answered but I am here and present and willing to know and learn deeply and intuitively and consistently that I am loved no matter what and that makes ALL the difference.

~ by tardistraveler on June 26, 2009.