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There has been a lot on my mind lately. Stories, and creative things as well as spiritual and practical things. My mind is a very busy place! Especially right now.

This morning at base meeting we did this thing where we prayed and listened to hear what God thought of each member of the team. About their identity. Then we each had a sheet of paper on our backs and went around writing words down for each person. It was awesome. And what was written on my sheet surprised me…

And you know, I keep fretting about money. I keep panicking and feeling this sinking feeling like all will crumble and fall, but God keeps saying that I need to trust him.

The Lord is my shepherd, I will not be in want.

I may have to find a p/t job, and that’s okay. I will survive. I will have enough and even more. Last night when I was praying about my finances I had this picture of a vine, and a flower blossoming and I thought “fruit”… and how Jesus is the vine. I also once again heard “trust me”. But I have been so caught up in worries and feeling like if I trust completely I am somehow not doing enough. That I ought to be working harder instead of just trusting. And it is true, but I also need to rest. Part of trusting God is resting in Him. It is acknowledging that He is good and trustworthy and not fretting, cos He’s got me. I am intricately woven into His vine and will bear fruit… and have fruit to eat as well.

He has proved Himself time and again. Why do I doubt?

Because it’s scary.

But perfect love casts out fear. And if Christ is in me, and He is love as God is love and they are one, then fear should not reside in me. Fear is then squished in like someone sitting on an already full seat, pressing down heavy and unwelcome. But God is love abounding in and around me and He provides. He is a great provider. He loves to give and bless as we are giving and bless others. I need to remember this.

I also need to not be shut up. I am still struggling to find boldness and courage with my voice. I know I need to speak out more in groups but it still is hard for me to find my voice there. I pray for more of God’s spirit to embolden me and more of His courage to fuel me on and open my mouth to speak when I must, even if I am afraid of how my words will be taken.

Yes.

I trust You, Lord because you are trustworthy and good. And even though I don’t always understand Your ways, and following them is often hard, I believe that Your way is best and that You know what your doing and will not abandon me. I am asking for your blessing and trusting that it will come!