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I’m not sure how to describe how I feel right now. Everything is mad. But brilliant at the same time. God is doing amazingly cool, crazy-awesome things. And the devil is not happy. Which, really, is quite brilliant. Except that at the moment I feel rather spastic. Frantic.

I have such hope of things to come. I am dreaming up/and of the impossible as if it all were possible and speaking words I didn’t think I’d be able to speak… words that spill out from somewhere deep inside me, words which are wise and surprise me.

I’m currently working on a script to enter into the BBC’s Sharps contest (a search for new TV drama writing talent) in hopes of getting one of 20 spots for a workshop in the Summer (which could lead to one of 8 week long placements). I am really hopeful and excited, so much so that my head is spinning.

It’s like I am overstimulated, oversaturated… overloaded and overbusy.

But I am thankful.

Because this is my life. And I am who I want to be (mostly… I’m getting there). I am where I want to be. And I am closer than I have ever been to my God, my Lord, my King. I am becoming. I am emerging. And though I may burst into pink confetti, everything will be okay. Even better. It’ll be fantastic!

But if you pray, please do pray for protection, peace, continued financial provision and perseverence (4 p’s!) for me right now.

I used to dream in the dark
listless breaths and long cobwebbed corridors
where moths flickered aimlessly
waiting to die
and screaming for more.
I used to dream in the dark.

Now I dream in the day
bright eyes sparkling with possibility
staring out over wide horizons
and wondering, blinking and dreaming
in gasping breaths of expectation.
Now I dream in the day.

I carry the burden of hope
like love unfulfilled, beating in my chest
painful, but alive, waiting to break forth
screaming and cold like a newborn child,
a miracle formed in the depths.

 I went to Paisley again for the YWAM New Staff Orientation on Tuesday. It was a welcome change, getting out of the city for a day to do something different.

During a time of prayer several things were revealed to me. One, was that God is a gardener, and He is preparing the soil, and planting, setting down roots for me in Scotland. Other things included living in the moment

because tomorrow will take care of itself.

Having fun with God… finding the funny, pointing to the true.

But also, God said to me through several people…

“Arise, my love, my beautiful one and come away with me.”

He acknowledged my femininity and desire to be captivating and beautiful and responded with lovely words that blessed my heart. I want to run through the fields with Him and be fully confident in the moment with Him, rejoicing always even when I don’t know how things will turn out.

Yes, let’s live that sort of life!

He brought me out of Egypt to the promised land.

And it really is the promised land.

No, I don’t know how things will really turn out. But I have more faith, more hope, more trust and joy than I could have thought possible.

And I am discovering that even the things I love, the passions I have, they are expanding too, along with the faith and trust and hope.

There’s more to me, too. I don’t JUST want to write (I will write, I must write, but I want to do more too).

I want to see people reach their true potential. I want to see people rise from the dust of their lives and face the sun, face the truth of who they are, the best of themselves. I want to see the world changed by people waking up and being emboldened to live gloriously, unselfishly, not settling for ordinary but fighting for extraordinary and positive change.

Maybe I’m just a dreamer.

But it’s a lovely dream. Don’t you think?

And whispers of promise flitting about like fireflies, giddy and eager to unveil a long hidden secret.

My brain is so full. I am full of ideas and wonders and thoughts. But it isn’t bad. There isn’t negativity there, for once there is just fullness and this revelation that life really is on the edge for me, and that the pathway, though seeming to be hidden, falls right under my feet on the open sky. I am so free and trusted and hoped for and my hopes can be laid out as my feet… into the wide open without fear of falling.

Cos it is true, you know? I’ve been out here on this sky-way for months, maybe years… and I am still walking. My foundation is not on the earth, or under the earth, or in a rope or a plane or something man-made but in Christ who is a light and whose words spoke the earth into being.

He who makes wonder from dust is a true artist indeed.

I choose to trust and believe and continue to walk on the open sky without fear of failure or deferral or falling. Because He has promised me desire fulfilled if I but walk and push forward with my dreams. He has promised to sustain my life.

And I trust Him.