Tag Archive

I was awoken at 3am by a disturbing dream involving an actress named Billie Piper. At first I wondered whether the dream was a result of some sort of attack, but the dream did not instill fear in me. When I awoke I felt strongly that God was telling me to pray for Billie and to get others to pray. So I did.

The day continued like that with YWAM Scotland prayer day. We prayed for her, for our friends and loved ones, and for each other. There was this strong sense of the spirit of God hovering, being present with us, really speaking and revealing.

I had this image of laying down tracks, railroad tracks. And God said “you are on the right track.” There was lots of talk of things to come and healing to come and big things that are daunting to me to think of. It was a day of encouragement, of hope, of… curiousity and focus on God’s power and wonders.

And it began with a dream that sparked me to pray for a stranger.

Sometimes, lately, I think my future may be more surprising and more amazing than I think.

And when I think that I realize… I have changed.

I am beginning to live in hope. I am beginning to hope not just for little things but for the impossible. And my hope is defiant and wild and strong.

Yes, Lord. Yes.

 I went to Paisley again for the YWAM New Staff Orientation on Tuesday. It was a welcome change, getting out of the city for a day to do something different.

During a time of prayer several things were revealed to me. One, was that God is a gardener, and He is preparing the soil, and planting, setting down roots for me in Scotland. Other things included living in the moment

because tomorrow will take care of itself.

Having fun with God… finding the funny, pointing to the true.

But also, God said to me through several people…

“Arise, my love, my beautiful one and come away with me.”

He acknowledged my femininity and desire to be captivating and beautiful and responded with lovely words that blessed my heart. I want to run through the fields with Him and be fully confident in the moment with Him, rejoicing always even when I don’t know how things will turn out.

Yes, let’s live that sort of life!

In my hands is a cloak. An invisible, tangible darkness well-worn and old. Caught in a moment of rage at indescribable things I picked it up and wore it proud while cutting skin and bleeding mind.

But black-eyed and mouth open wide, you spoke to me in the wee hours of morning, fighting for justice with all your might. Not false self, but true self… true blue. Caught and stuck for years under painted eyes and a silent scream.

I’m sorry.

I was born to laugh and be joyful. I was not born for shadows and rage. But I felt it, I felt it in my tiny fists. I felt the need to know sorrow as I cut deep into my own skin and hugged the shadows like a warm blanket of knowing. I was wrong.

I was wrong. And I let the ghost of lies seep in and plague me. Seep in and silence myself, seep in and take fake form over truth.

Until you came and shook me. And woke me up.

“No more. No more.”

Release.

Little girl, 8 years old, kicks my shin.

She sits on my lap, curls up, arms around my neck. “I love you.”

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long.

“It’s okay. Move on.”

She is defiant with laughter and a courageous hope for her destiny.

She is me.