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So here’s the thing:
I live in what I consider the best country in the best city in the world. I love it here. I love my friends, my flat, even my crazy p/t job with Waste Innovations. And I love all that has happened since God brought me here. He has provided immeasurably more than I could have hoped for.
Right now is the craziest time in my life. Especially… RIGHT. NOW. This moment. I feel like I may explode either from hope or from stress. Because everything I want seems to be colliding into a great big cocktail of possibility and it’s, well… it is astonishing but it hasn’t happened yet. It’s a forward momentum, but still not quite there yet.
But what will I do if I DO get there? What if this time I really do succeed?
How does one cope with the prospect of success, of fulfillment, after so much failure?
I don’t know.
I really feel like I will get to go to London, and do this BBC Sharps thing, go the whole way with it and yet my script isn’t done. 16 days and counting. How can I believe somewhere inside me that much when I know the facts?
I don’t know. It’s just a feeling in my gut.
It hurts. But it’s brilliant.
Oh, help!
Yesterday something happened. I let a thought slip into my brain… a seemingly harmless thought that said ‘this is all too good to be true.’
And I let that seemingly harmless thought swim around my brain till it brought in friends who set up chairs and sat around and had tea with hopeless and purposeless thoughts.
And I panicked.
I still don’t feel fully free of them. I hate how easy it is to listen to a lie, to give sway to the great mocker.
Right now, this thing about hope in me is that it’s like a sore that has healed. But the skin is still fresh and a bit tender. Don’t you hate when people poke the tender spots or when you accidentally bump it on something?
No, the Lord has promised me good things, hope fulfilled and dreams accomplished and PROVISION and wonder. He’s done it before. He’s promised to do it again (and in bigger ways than before). This is a year of faith, hope, trust and birth.
ALL SHALL BE WELL!
